When I was younger, I remember the envy that would take over me when visiting a friend’s house, or watching them indulge in a gadget my family couldn’t afford.
When I was younger, I’d imagine waking up in the body of a girl with a more fortunate life than my own, and I’d have been fine without saying goodbye.
When I was younger, I would lock myself in a room, sometimes even the bathroom, and read to escape the life that I no longer wanted to be a part of.
When I was younger, I was told to take life with a grain of salt. I felt as everything thrown at me were encumbrances, heavier and heavier. I looked internally for strategies to cope with the stress.
When I was younger, I’d relied on my family as well as my peers around me for happiness, and in return I was granted nothing but Sadness. I was granted frustration and crushed hopes. I looked down a dark path for solace.
When I was younger, I resided with 6 other occupants yet I felt alone. Family, but it didn’t feel such.
When I was younger, I’d dream that my struggles would become controllable and I’d learn to be free with myself.
Today……… now that I’m older…
Now that I’m older, although the meaning of life is to each it’s own, and I’ve yet to discover the meaning of my own, the path to my internal destiny is clearer to me then it once was years ago.
Now that I’m older, I look forward to life, and I count my blessings. No longer do I lock myself away.
Now that I’m older, I no longer find myself envious of others, rather I become envious of my future. “When can I achieve the success that I know awaits me?” “How long do I have to wait for this?”
Now that I’m older, my confidence has become the guardian of the soul who lost her way years ago. I’ve risen beyond the barriers I once thought I could never overcome.
Now that I’m older, I appreciate the battles that life has bestowed on me, what I once believed to have been my downfall revealed itself to be triumphant.
Now that I’m older, I look into the face of the woman staring back at me in my reflection and I become my own inspiration. I reach higher just to see light in her face glow brighter then it did when I’d seen her the morning before.
Now that I’m older, I’ve come to enjoy my presence and it alone, leaving behind the bottles of poison that once made me dizzy, and the plants of which distracted me from the world that I once felt had no place for someone like me.
Now that I’m older… Now that I’m stronger, the only fear I possess is my dearth of success.
With the exception of the dark.
Now that I’m older by Virginia LaTourette